If you have read any of my previous posts, you know that being vulnerable is terrifying for me. And this past week, it’s come to my attention that by being stubborn to the idea of vulnerability, I am blocking myself from having meaningful relationships. And this doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, it applies to all relationships. From friendships, to family, even to co-workers. The thing this, when we put up walls we are blocking ourselves from experiencing real love. All our relationships become superficial. And the key here is that we can’t blame others and accuse them of being superficial, because it always starts with you. You have energy all around you at all times, and when you are around others they can feel the energy you are putting out. When we are not practicing being vulnerable, then others are not comfortable opening up to us either. That’s why you may have found yourself with myriad of superficial relationships, while craving for deeper relationships, and not understanding why you can’t achieve that.
I am here to help. Here are a few tips to help you become a little more vulnerable with your relationships this week. Please join me in taking on this challenge, I promise to do these with you and leave comments on your progress, let’s encourage one another to be vulnerable this week!
1. Ask questions. And listen.
The key to connecting with others is truly listening to their answers when they respond to a question you have posited. Like when you ask a co-worker how their weekend was, really listen to their response. Don’t just be thinking of your answer before they’ve even finished talking. Just listen.
2. Be real.
If you’re scared, say so. If you don’t know, say you don’t know. Just be yourself. Everyone has the same feelings as you. You are no different. And if you, like me, worry about bringing others down with your perceived problems or negative feelings, don’t worry. People who care about you and want to build a relationship with you will be there when you feel ALL the emotions, that includes the good, the bad, and even the ugly.
3. Ask for help.
Admitting we have weaknesses is okay. In this way you make room for other people’s gifts. Growing up, asking for help felt like weakness. I always thought I had to do everything myself. To prove to myself that I was capable of doing it all, and doing it MY way. But what I have learned throughout my 26 years is that my way isn’t the only way. And that by allowing others to help, I can learn from them. In this way I allow myself to grow, and work together with others, forming bonds and relationships that otherwise wouldn’t be there had I been stubborn and pushed myself to do the task without others’ help.
4. Embrace negative emotions.
Similar to #2. I just wanted to clarify and really highlight this idea. When we numb sadness and pain, we numb joy and happiness too. Feeling the depths of our lows enables us to fully feel the depths of our highs. It’s all connected. Recently, I’ve been having some negative emotions regarding a friend of mine. In the past, I would have tried to distract myself. Instead, I let myself fully feel and experience the depths of what I was feeling. This friend has hurt me in the past, our relationship feels strained and I meditated on it. Asked my inner guide to show me what to do. Do I work on the relationship? Or let it go? And all the feelings that come with each choice. I journaled about it. Allowing myself to feel and process the feelings enabled me to move forward.
To be vulnerable is to be deeply seen. It involves loving your whole self and putting your heart out there. To feel vulnerable is to be alive- to exist as your most beautiful self.
How do you exercise vulnerability? Please share in the comments below. And if you are inspired to do so, please join me this week in practicing being more vulnerable. Even just taking one of these tips and applying it to your life will make a huge difference in your relationships. I’d love to hear from all of you. Let’s continue this conversation below.
Have a great week!