This romantic life: thoughts from a former hopeless romantic

A hopeless romantic is someone who is in love with love and loves the romance of it all. They typically spend most of their lives dreaming of their soulmate and all the adventures they will go on together. These types of people know exactly what they want and will do almost anything to keep their soulmate once they think they’ve found them. I used to identify as a hopeless romantic. Then life happened, relationships happened, I’ve seen the most stable, loving marriages crumble right before my very eyes. Do I still love the idea of love? Absolutely. But I am no longer as naive about love and soulmates as I once was.

Something changes when you wake up next to your loving boyfriend wondering whether or not you love the person laying next to you. How can one progress from being completely in love to suddenly unsure about a relationship. Wondering if you ever even loved the person in the first place.

I adore romantic gestures: surprise flowers, beautiful candlelight dinners, handwritten notes. I adore all the cute things, sending surprise gifts, going on trips. But at some
unknown point, it’s not enough.

There is absolutely no secret to love. There is absolutely nothing you can do when you no longer love someone. You cannot make someone fall in love with you either. You are simply just there in some weird love purgatory, with a shattered heart, confused feelings, and attempting to fix what is broken. But inevitably, everything just breaks apart into all these minuscule pieces, making it even harder to fix.

Then something changes when your parents get divorced. It doesn’t matter when this happens. Whether it’s when you are young and being tossed around from home to home or if you are in college, attempting to cope by escaping your feelings. When your friends cry on your shoulder after devastating breakups. When you have that epic late night fight with your significant other, with words that can’t be taken back.

There are times when I think about my friends who are engaged and in serious relationships. Do they know that the end result is either a divorce, breakup or a happy marriage? Like those are literally the only options.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love to see old couples walking hand in hand, showing the world that love truly does exist. And yet, I’m quickly reminded of my singledom. There’s this silly voice in my head telling me that my “one” is out there with someone else. That my biological clock is ticking, especially if I want kids (which I so do).

After a breakup, being single is exciting. The whole world is out there. You can go on a ton of dates and just do you. And then sooner rather than later, the excitement begins to fade. The excitement and hope of being single dissolves. It comes shortly after those terrible dates we’ve all been on. When we get ghosted one too many times. When those mini-heartbreaks become too much for our precious little hearts. All of these setbacks and circumstances harden you and force you to transform into a stronger person.

Something inevitably changes when you begin to think that you are alone on this journey searching for the “one”. Does that even exist? How do you know when or if you’ve found him? Will you ever find him?

Something inevitably changes when you think you may have found the one to be devastated to discover that it wasn’t the one. Or consequently, you may have found the “one”, but you denied them love and didn’t realize it until it was too late.

There is something that changes when you see others’ happiness with their relationships, and yet find yourself struggling to come to terms with what would make you happy.

I will continue to believe that romance exists. Other people have wonderful romance stories and I still love to hear a fabulous meet-cute story. However, I think I’ve realized that love is the exception not the rule. I’ve come to realize that not everyone will fall in love. We are all here with a purpose, and for some of us, love just isn’t in the cards. I am still a lover of love, but I know that I may never find my “one”. I have hope and will continue searching, I’m simply no longer “hopeless” in love.

Now, I’d love to hear from all of you. Have any of you been hopeless romantics? Are some of you still in that phase of life? As always, I love hearing all the feedback and comments. Let’s continue this discussion below.

Zoya

A 20-something girl on a journey to find herself with hopes of helping others feel their feelings.