I recently had a conversation with a close friend about the topic of judgments. She was expressing how she felt she had people close to her who were putting her down. She expressed her frustration about being around these people and asked for advice regarding how to cope and deal with certain “toxic” people, especially when these people are family members. And this conversation is one that I find myself having often, and I’ve personally also had to deal with “toxic” people in my own life. Now, by “toxic” I don’t mean these people are terrible, they may just be bad influences on you, they may simply bring your energy down when you are around them. These people simply may have unresolved issues that they are holding onto, and if you are anything like me, then you find yourself quickly embracing their energy and issues as your own. All of this can definitely put you in a not so great mood, which makes life a little less fun.
So today, I’d like to share a few tips and suggestions about dealing with these toxic people, specifically I want to focus on judgmental people. When talking to my friend she shared that whenever she was around a certain person she felt like everything she chose to do was judged under a microscope by this “toxic” person. I believe judgments are made by people who have unresolved issues around the topic at hand. For instance, people with financial issues may have a hard time being happy for someone who just bought a new house. Or someone with issues around eating may have some negative comments surrounding holidays like thanksgiving that revolve around food. These people are simply hurting and they are projecting their fear onto you. It can be very hard, especially for sensitive people like myself to deal with these types of people. Unfortunately, the world is filled with people who are constantly working on themselves, everyone has some sort of issue, and unless they are contestantly practicing mindfulness then there will be times when judgments are made. We are human, but what we can all try and do is notice when we are being judgmental and allow ourselves the time and space to process our emotions.
When we feel we are being judged:
1. Express your feelings
This might be the hardest tip on this list but it’s important. If you are close with the person whom you feel is judging you, try to express how what he/she said affected you. We all interpret things differently. I personally, find myself bickering with my mom (whom I love) simply because there is a miscommunication in how one of us is interpreting what the other is trying to say. By talking it out, I find we can swiftly resolve the issue and hug it out.
2. Remove yourself from the situation
While talking to my friend who was dealing with a toxic person, I asked her what she did when she felt judged. She said she just left. And I thought that was a good solution. Look, sometimes, you don’t want your emotions to get the best of you. In order to not react harshly, if you aren’t able to go to a quiet spot and reflect and think and calm down, then it’s probably best to leave. So that both people can notice their emotions and then reconvene at another time when the air isn’t so thick. This works for both people we are close with and strangers. Except when it comes to strangers, I find it’s easier to not get brought down by their energy because you will most likely never see them again. Win-win.
When you find yourself judging others:
1. Stop, observe, and write
If you find yourself experiencing a negative reaction or thought to a behavior or action of someone else the first thing I like to do is notice the thought. By noticing the thought I feel like the negative energy is stopped. Observe the thought. What are you thinking? Why could you be thinking this? Where can you heal a certain part of yourself regarding this thought? Write it down. The most cathartic and therapeutic thing I do is writing. Not just on this blog, but I have a trusty journal that I always carry with me (ALWYS). Write out how the situation made you feel, what may have prompted this negative thought. Just remember to not be hard on yourself. We all can succumb to judgments, we are human after all.
As humans, sometimes we say things without thinking. And sometimes the things we say are our negative judgments. If you have said something and immediately feel bad, be honest that you really didn’t mean to hurt the other person, nor did you intend to be judgmental. Explain that whatever that person said or did probably triggered an unhealed emotion within yourself. Maybe even say that you are working on that aspect of yourself. This conversation could quickly elevate energetically depending on how the other person responds to your honesty.
Remember, it’s okay to judge. We can’t beat ourselves up over being imperfect. We are all flawed and we are all works in progress. With that being said, it’s important for everyone, but especially sensitive people not to take on other peoples’ negative energy. So try out these tips and suggestions whenever you find yourself in any of these situations.
If you’ve ever experienced judgments about yourself or if you’ve judged someone else, please share how you dealt with the situation in the comments below. If you know anyone who could use this advice please share this post with them. Let’s continue this conversation in the comments below, I’d love to hear all your thoughts. As always, have a great week, and let’s raise our energy together!