This dating life: your past does not define you

There is literally no way around it. We all have a dating history. Some of us are monogamous and have been in a handful of relationships while others may have had various partners for shorter lengths of time. Even others may have a history of one-night stands. None of this defines who a person is.

Talking about our sexual histories isn’t something that typically comes up on a first date. But in an honest and open relationship, it’s an inevitable topic of conversation. So below are just a few things to keep in mind when you and your partner are about to divulge some choices you made that you have (hopefully) learned from.

1. They are being open, honest and extremely vulnerable.
Besides STD’s a partners sexual history is completely their business. They don’t have to tell you anything. But when they openly share with you their sexual past, they are opening up to you. They are at their most vulnerable. Worried about what you may think of them. But remember, they are being honest. They are being upfront. Remember this before you feel some type of way. Be honest with your feelings. Just be careful not to blame your partner for hurting you due to their past behavior. They were a different person then. People change and grow and evolve. It’s important to remember this before jumping to conclusions regarding a partners sexual past.

2. There is absolutely nothing they can do now.
The past is gone. It happened. We can’t go back and change our behaviors. The past is meant to stay there, in the past. It’s there to teach us lessons and allow us to grow. Without our past, we wouldn’t be the people we are in the present. So remember that your partner probably has evolved and learned some lessons from her storied sexual past. Those lessons have made her the person you see before you today.

3. They got it out of their system.
Most people that have a promiscuous past developed it in college. And isn’t that the time we are experimenting, trying to find our identities? People have different ways of doing so. Just because someone has a varied sexual history doesn’t necessarily mean that they are going to leave you for the pool boy. It’s not that they have an insatiable sexual appetite, they just needed to experience things to see what they like and what they don’t.

4. Jealousy can be your friend.
It’s okay to be a little jealous of all the guys your girl has been with. Jealousy can be kinda hot. The feeling that someone wants you all to themselves is a huge turn-on. Just be honest and if your feeling jealous tell your partner that’s how you feel. Just don’t whine or apologize for having these feelings. Feel like going all Dexter on everyone they’ve ever had sex with? Own that feeling. Just don’t actually do it.

5. Be the best they ever had.
The best sex is not the kinkiest or the craziest. It’s not with the body builder or the model. Meaningless sex isn’t always good sex. Good sex happens when two people are so into each other that it moves beyond the physical. It’s being into one another’s mind, soul and body. Having a shared bond, a mutual affection for one another that transcends the physical. If you have that chemistry then sex is destined to be amazing. You’ll be extremely surprised how little you’ll be thinking about their past when you’re both having the best sex of your lives.

We all have a sexual history. Everyone has their own unique history. And yet we all grow and learn from our past. By not bringing the past into the present, we allow our current selves to be open and honest and cultivate healthy relationships with our partners. So go ahead, get honest with your partner, and release judgment. Be honest with your feelings. Share openly and just remember that by being so vulnerable and honest, you create a stronger bond between the two of you, thereby strengthening the relationship and the bond between you two.

Now, I’d love to hear from all of you. Have you been in a relationship where one partner has a more promiscuous past than another? If so, how did you divulge the info? Any success stories or failures? I’m absolutely positive readers would love to discuss this further. Let’s continue this conversation in the comments below. And as always, I love hearing all your feedback and comments.

Edited and published on Elite Daily.


A 20-something girl on a journey to find herself with hopes of helping others feel their feelings.