This dating life: What has happened to chivalry?

As a fellow millennial it seems like we have accepted a hookup culture and retreated from the older generations when it comes to dating. Where our grandparents often courted one another we swipe right to acknowledge interest in someone we find desirable. This hookup culture has only been made easier with technology which older generations lacked. We may meet someone randomly but as soon as we know their name we can find out all about them which leads us to not have any questions to ask them to get to know this stranger we just met. In one sense, courtship has become obsolete due to social media and the Internet. By simply googling someone’s name, we can gather their Facebook profile, Twitter handle and Instagram. Then we can begin to stalk them via social media. We end up feeling like we know this person when in reality we’ve never even been on a date with them. It’s not fair to the concept of dating. Call me old-fashioned but I miss what our grandparents had-chivalry, romance, courtship.

Personally, I’ve found that when people go slow, it’s often mistaken as disinterest. Movies, TV shows and pop culture have led us all to believe that we can have friends with benefits. We end up believing that it’s better to be “cool” and not put labels on relationships because that’s what everyone is doing. My favorite movie- “The Notebook” is seen as an idyllic movie from a generation long gone. But I look at older generations and envy the love stories and romance I hear from them. My grandparents married young compared to my generation. They were in their early 20’s, while my generation often doesn’t start thinking about settling down until they reach their late 20’s. All we hear is “take your time.” Millennials don’t seem to date one on one anymore. Courtship with one person has evolved into group dates for our generation. This style of dating is more impersonal and allows for less vulnerability. That’s the important takeaway in my opinion. My generation for some reason has become afraid of being vulnerable, so we turn to impersonal ways of dating. By having access to the Internet and social media there is this invisible wall that allows us to not completely open up in dating. And with that my generation prefers hooking up (without becoming vulnerable) to the vulnerability associated with dating. We seem to have forgotten that we can find someone who is truly loving and sees us so for who we are, imperfections and all and loving us anyway. Our fear, in my opinion is partly based on the high divorce rates we saw with our parents’ generation and partly due to simply our fear of rejection. If we continue to have this fear of rejection we will never allow ourselves to be authentic and find a loving partner. So I will continue to try to change this culture for our generation. Let’s begin by becoming more vulnerable with one another. Knowing that rejection isn’t really rejection. It actually leads you closer to the person you are meant to be with. By opening up and doing activities with potential mates we get to know them and see that we are all a little weird and that’s okay. It makes vulnerability become less scary and more acceptable.

I love a good meet-cute story. I will always believe in love happening when you least expect it, with someone you never would have imagined, that’s the beauty of it all.

If you like me believe in romance then I challenge you to become more vulnerable in your relationships. Trust that you are wonderful and amazing just as you are and there is someone out there who will cherish all of your quirks and idiosyncrasies. If you like this post, please share it with your friends. Let me know in the comments below how you plan to be a little more vulnerable and what challenges in doing so you feel. I’d love to hear if anyone feels the same way or if there are some differing opinions out there. Let’s continue this conversation in the comments below.

See you all next week!

 

Zoya

A 20-somethibg girl on a journey to find herself with hopes of helping others feel their feelings.