Since the beginning of time people have dated. But since the evolution of technology we now have to deal with ghosting- the phenomena of meeting someone, feeling an intense connection with them, being quite sure that the feelings were mutual- that they were different. And then poof, they disappear into absolute thin air.
Now, I have both been ghosted and been the ghoster. I can’t pretend it doesn’t suck to be ghosted. I know I’m not the first or last to experience the phenomenon but it still feels a bit like someone punched me in the gut when it happens. The lack of closure is maddening. You move on, but not before your self-esteem takes a hit. The only thing worse than being broken up with is realizing that someone didn’t think you were worth breaking up with.
While the phenomena itself is terrible, there are some instances where maybe ghosting can be seen in a more positive light. Below I’ve explored the various pros and cons of ghosting as well as what to do when you’ve been ghosted. And a beautiful realization of why ghosting may be beneficial to our growth.
- Wanting to tell someone “I’m just not that into you”
The one time I ghosted someone I remember telling my roommate at the time that “I’m just not interested in him”, I explained how I didn’t feel any attraction towards him. I didn’t know if I should tell him or not, it’s not like we were serious or anything. She suggested just letting it die out, naturally. I thought about it, and agreed with her reasoning. This eases the pressure for both me and the guy. I don’t have to face him and see a sad puppy dog face. And he doesn’t need to hear “hey, I’m just not that into you”. And so, I stood by that logic. I ghosted the guy I wasn’t feeling and I slept fine at night. I told myself that’s how we do things now. It’s easy to simply ignore or delete a text. And so, when things aren’t serious, I think it’s a little more appropriate to ghost. It’s not as hurtful. And honestly, for me, that might be the only pro- not seeing the person in person, letting them down gently.
1. It’s terribly upsetting for the ghostee.
Any breakup can make you feel upset, but when someone just disappears, you are just left wondering what the hell just happened. If you don’t have a tangible reason as to why he doesn’t want to see you any more, you tend to overthink everything you did. And when you can’t stop replaying your dates over and over it becomes even harder to get over that person. Suddenly, that relatively casual fling is causing you long-term-breakup-level pain and confusion.
What to do when you’ve been ghosted
Rather than beating yourself up about all the reasons why he would just ditch all communication, look at the lessons that this experience can teach you. If there’s something I’ve learned from my dating experiences, it’s that every single one, every encounter with a stranger, teaches me something about myself, about relationships, about what I want in a partner, and what I don’t want in a partner. All these lessons are invaluable to our growth.
My ah-ha moment
While writing this, I’ve realized that ghosting does have some positive implications. It makes you stronger, wiser, and even though it may seem like the experience is a blow to your self-esteem, it actually forces you to become more secure in yourself. By facing the biggest fear of dating I’ve experienced- “not being liked by the other person”- you realize that if someone is able to ghost you, lose all communication that quickly, that person is most definitely not “your” person. You end up being better off in the long run. I’m so happy I was ghosted. Even though it may take some time to get over the initial shock, the initial confusion. Eventually, you will come out stronger and so much more confident in yourself. It’s a self-esteem boost in a way.
Now, I’d love to hear from all of you. Have you experienced ghosting- either being ghosted, or being the ghoster (the person ghosting)? Please share your experience, do you find it a good solution to confronting the other person or a terrible phenomena created by a cowardly technological generation? Please feel free to continue this conversation in the comments below.
Have a great week!!! Happy early thanksgiving!!!