This dating life: long distance dating

Dating and relationships are both filled with ups and downs. You are bound to have a bad date and then the next be having the greatest time of your life with a former stranger. But what happens when you begin long distance dating? Is it bound to fail? Or can it actually work?

As someone who would rather be in a healthy relationship than dating around, I have been doing this long distance thing. While there are some drawbacks to being apart, there are definitely plenty of benefits for commitmentphobes and others  alike.

1. You learn to make every moment together count.

Being 400 miles away from someone is difficult. But when you see each other after months of not being together, you can’t help but savor every second of it. It’s inevitable that if you two get along well and truly care about each other, you could spend hours just talking to one another and catching up on life. There’s something beautiful about the anticipation of seeing someone you care about after having not seen them in a long time. The butterflies come back. All those feel good feelings you have when dating just flutter back.

I will always be a lover of an old love story. The one where the wife stayed home while the husband was out fighting the war. And then there’s the feeling of seeing this man come home from the war. Whenever I hear a story like that from a wife or husband, I can see and even feel how they felt that first time they saw their partner for the first time after years of being apart. It’s that can’t-breathe- can’t-live-without-you feeling. I’m into it. I want it. I crave it. I love it.

2. Technology becomes your best friend.

So my guy isn’t at war or anything, he’s just in another state saving lives and s**t. So fortunately I’ve found FaceTime and texting to be my best friends. We definitely try to let each other know any exciting news happening in our lives and try to schedule times to FaceTime so we can at least see each other.

Whats great is that you can lounge in your pajamas and still essentially be on a date. No makeup, no shoes, no problem. FaceTime allows you to be on a date from the comfort of your own home. Now, I’m not saying this is the solution to dating scenarios when you live close by. But in terms of long distance dating, it’s a great alternative to watching Netflix together curled up on the couch. You two are on your own respective couches watching whatever you want to watch.

3. Your patience is tested.

I am terribly impatient. I like things to happen now. But when you’re dating long distance then patience becomes necessary. For instance, my guy is constantly busy with work and it often on call, meaning he can’t always be there to answer a text. And I’ve learned that it’s all good. Once he gets a chance I can always expect the sweetest response.

And the relationship itself move as at a glacial pace. After of a total of about four in-person dates in the span of seven months, we still haven’t made things official (trepidatious about writing this post). But I still feel comfortable with where things are. There’s no rush to put labels on anything. Discussing the future is something that comes up, but since it’s still unofficial there’s some freedom as well. Planning life becomes harder, making life that much more exciting, who knows what could happen in the next seven months.

Look, if I can learn to be patient, especially in relationships then anyone can. Which leads me to my next point.

4. You stop over-analyzing your relationship.

Is he into me? Did I text him something stupid? Should I have done something else? Should I have worn something else? Makeup, too much? Not enough? All the questions we can’t stop asking ourselves after a date. It literally disappears when you are dating long-distance. You develop a routine. As erratic as it may be its there. So he may not text you back for a couple of days. You still know in the back of your head that he’s into you. Because the truth is, if he wasn’t then you would never get a response. Everyone knows long distance s**t is hard. But if they are still making an effort, then there’s something there.

If nothing was there, then you’d get ghosted. We get ghosted with people that live in the same city as us, and they get away with it. It’s even easier to just ghost someone when you are long distance, and it probably wouldn’t even hurt as much because long distance dating takes a hell of a lot more effort than dating close by.

5. You become secure and confident.

I am the first to acknowledge that I am a complicated mess filled with insecurities. But within this crazy long distance dating scenario, I’ve tapped into this new found confidence that had been hiding within me. All of a sudden I care less what other people think of me. As a former people-pleaser, I have grown to be a little more selfish and do things for myself.

I used to be insecure in relationships. Constantly questioning whether I was enough. Long distance dating has shown me that I can be my goofy, quirky, silly, intelligent, introverted self without questioning anything. I’m no longer trying to be someone who I think he will like. I am me. Plain and simple.

Finally finding that strength within, is extremely healthy and beneficial for anyone’s growth. I think it’s common to find yourself wanting to get people to like you and accept you. But first, we need to learn to love and accept ourselves before we can share our love with another.

Long distance dating is complicated. It’s hard. It can drive you crazy sometimes. Missing someone’s touch can be difficult. But then there’s seeing them after months and months and kissing them and feeling the warmth of their skin. That butterfly feeling will never get old. Long distance dating has made me grow and test my comfort zones and it’s a thrilling adventure that continues to excite me. And isn’t that the cornerstone of a wonderful relationship? Something comfortable yet exciting? I know it is for me.

It’s your turn. Have you dealt with long distance, be it a relationship or dating? I’d love to hear if any of my experiences resonate with you. Please share your experiences and whether you found it beneficial or harmful to the overall relationship and on yourself as a person. I love hearing all your feedback and comments. Leave any comments and feedback below.

Thank you for reading and please share with all of your friends.

 

 

 

Zoya

A 20-something girl on a journey to find herself with hopes of helping others feel their feelings.