This dating life: beware of the jerk in disguise

Nice guys in disguise. We have all encountered him: proclaiming to be a nice guy, who suddenly reveals himself to be a jerk. So how can you tell if the guy you started dating is a genuine good guy or if he’s hiding his true jerkiness?

This topic came up for me recently after a few dates with a seemingly nice guy. He had all the characteristics of a typical nice guy. He was empathic, didn’t seem to expect anything in return for just being nice to me, he was sensitive, he actually listened when I spoke. And then all the respect I had built for him vanished in an instant when he showed his true colors.

Turns out this “nice guy” was really just a jerk in disguise. And those my friend, are the worst types of guys because they will end up leaving you questioning all your decisions and making you feel like your the real definition of crazy.

The truth is, with actual players, you know what you are getting into. They are more upfront. They are the guys that we have one-nigh stands with. We don’t get attached and they don’t play with our minds.

I am here to tell you that you are not crazy. You were simply misled. you may have misread the signs, could it have been too good to be true? It’s very possible. And in the end, we can all learn from our experience with the jerk in disguise.

Here are just a few signs that the guy you think is “nice” is actually a jerk in disguise.

1. They whine when you’re busy.
Oh you get so flattered that this guy wants to spend every free moment with you. But what about your own life? What happens when you get too busy to hangout with him whenever it’s convenient for him? A great guy will be able to express disappointment and that he’ll miss you. But beware of the jerk in disguise who will whine and give you the cold shoulder or even guilt trip you in choosing to hangout with someone other than him.

2. They talk badly about their exes.
Beware of the guy who talks s**t about his exes. If he only blames them for his previous breakups, that’s likely to happen to his next girlfriend too. There are always two sides to every story, and someone who constantly paints themselves as the victim in every single break-up, is likely not telling the whole truth.

3. They actually say that they really are “nice guys”.
Actual nice guys do not just walk around on the regular patting themselves on the back for being such upstanding guys. They are actually humble about being a nice guy. A great guy does not have a list of reasons why he’s a nice guy. His actions and behavior show you his true nature. Great guys simply are themselves- not because they want something from you, but literally just because they know that is all they ever need to be.

4. They make a bunch of future plans.
The nice guy in disguise will lead you on with all the fantastic plans for the both of you to experience. He suggests traveling together, future dates the two of you will go on, and then never follows through. No genuine guy brags about all the adventures he plans on taking you on. However, a jerk in disguise is trying to shield his true nature with a smokescreen full of plans he has no intention of actually fulfilling.

These douchebags may honestly not know how much of a jerk they really are. I refuse to believe that nice guys don’t exist. I believe they do. And they are the ones you end up with. They are our future husbands. And once we find them, they will stay with us for the long haul and never lead us a stray. So next time you go on a date with a seemingly nice guy, beware of these tell-tale signs of a jerk in disguise.

Now, I’d love to hear from all of you. Have you ever met an a**hole in disguise? If so, please share your story. Let’s continue this conversation in the comments below. As always, I love hearing from all of you. Leave your comments and feedback below.

Have a great week!

Edited and published on Elite Daily.


A 20-something girl on a journey to find herself with hopes of helping others feel their feelings.