This adult life: 3 ways we can sabotage our growth

When we hit a certain point in our late 20’s we begin to think we are better at adulting than we were in our early 20’s. While we most likely have better jobs and are more secure with who we are, there are many situations that remind us just how not quite adult we really are. Whether we keep failing at maintaining a budget, or we can’t seem to find a steady relationship after being bombarded on Facebook with all our friends’ engagements and baby announcements. While we continue to try and be more adult every day, we can’t help but feel like we are not doing something right in one or more areas of our lives. We want to reach adulthood quick, and so we place pressure on ourselves to adult quicker, to be better. And this pressure, whether placed by our own minds, or by others’ words is actually detrimental to our well-being. By placing all this pressure on ourselves, we unconsciously stunt our growth. When we become overwhelmed by all the various ways we are not adult enough, we can actually not do anything to move forward. And so, we find ourselves not moving toward adulthood and actually getting stuck in this purgatory between crazy, irresponsible millennial, and real adult. Below are just a few ways we sabotage our ability to adult better.

1. When we can’t manage to stick to a budget.
It’s a word we all hate: “budget”. If you’ve ever attempted to make a budget you know the struggle is real. Once we calculate our monthly incomes, subtract our monthly expenses like rent, utilities and student loans, we are left with a very sad number. We convince ourselves we can live off ramen, we did it in college. And then a week of eating like a broke college student makes us feel depressed, sad and like we have failed miserably at adulting.

Speaking of food, we try to be culinary geniuses in the kitchen and create some Martha Stewart homemade meals, until we realize our job has us out of the house all week. When the hell do we have any time to prepare some legit food? We need things quick, and well that costs money. So down goes our attempt to stick to a budget.

2. When you want to upgrade your furniture.
If you’re anything like me, you’re still living with your college furniture. It’s so not cute. That wine stained futon is no longer acceptable for having people sit on. It’s time for an upgrade. The mattress that you’ve had for a decade now? It’s time to change it up in order to feel like a real adult. But of course, we run into problem #1, we are broke. We can’t afford all the fancy furniture, we can barely afford ikea furniture.

3. When we want to change careers.
Some of us know exactly what we want to do from a very young age, while others, like me, struggle to find our passion until our 20’s. We are the ones that changed our major more than once and still graduated with a degree that doesn’t fulfill our soul’s calling. And so right after college, we struggle, hard. And then somewhere in our late 20’s we find ourselves. We get more comfortable with what we like and what we are passionate about. And so we attempt to pursue this new career path. But stability is now more important to us than it was when we were still in our early 20’s and in college. We were protected by the college bubble. We could change our minds without any serious repercussions. But now taking a risk is a lot more scary. We have bills to pay, debt that’s through the roof, and in some instances other people to provide for.

In these instances it’s so very easy to feel like a failure. Like you are a terrible person for not having figured your shit out earlier. You begin questioning all your decisions. Well, look, I am here to remind you that it’s all good. As someone who knows the struggle first-hand, it gets better. Will you probably have to take a lower rank position when you change careers? Of course. But you will be able to work your way up in no time. Just be patient and trust that the universe won’t let you down.

All this pressure we place ourselves isn’t good for us. It’s not healthy. We inevitabely end up sabotaging our progress when we start to feel overwhelmed by all the pressure. Remember that there is absolutely no time frame to becoming an adult. Everyone develops and grows differently. We can’t allow ourselves to compare where we are on our journey to someone else’s. So let’s all collectively work on easing the pressure we place on ourselves to be adults. Let’s try and enjoy this pergatory we find ourselves in.

Now, I’d love to hear from all of you. Have you experienced this purgatory of transitioning from your early 20’s to your late 20’s? If so, please share your story in the comments below. I always love reading your comments and feedback. Please share your stories in the comments below. And also, if you feel so inclined please share this with any friends that you think may benefit from reading this.


A 20-something girl on a journey to find herself with hopes of helping others feel their feelings.